Realistic Character
Occupations:
My Experience as a House Parent at a
Home for Abused and Neglected Children
To win
readers over we need to write characters so authentic they feel like real
people. How do we do this? By brainstorming a character’s backstory,
personality, needs, desires, and their day-to-day world. Lucky for us, one
aspect of their daily life is a goldmine of characterization: the type of
work they do.
Think about it: a job can reveal
personality, skills, beliefs, fears, desires, and more, which is why
You can find the full list of Contributed
Occupation Profiles and check out The
Occupation Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Jobs, Vocations, and Careers
at Writers Helping Writers.
OCCUPATION: House Parent
OVERVIEW
As a house parent I was responsible for the normal running of a
household, such as making meals, getting kids to school, taking them to
doctor’s appointments and all the other everyday things that parents do for
their children. But there is a whole other layer to house parenting. The kids
in the home are not usually related to each other so their interaction with
each other is different from those of siblings. They have emotional issues and
can “act out.” They may have learning disabilities and hate school. All of
these issues (and many others) require compassion, understanding, and patience
to deal with. One has to learn to act rather than react and some children will
deliberately try to make you angry or stir up trouble with the other children.
NECESSARY TRAINING
I had no training and learned as I went, but this was in the early days
of this kind of childcare. Nowadays job training is available both on line and
on site. One does not need a college degree to be a house parent. I think the
most important thing that’s needed is common sense and an ability to not take
things personally.
Compassion, baking, cooking, housekeeping, basic first aid, CPR,
creativity, detail-oriented, empathy, equanimity, gaining the trust of others,
good listening skills, hospitality, intuition, leadership, reading, making
friends, making people laugh, networking, organization, out-of-the-box
thinking, peacekeeping, reading people, teaching/tutoring, counselling,
understanding, patience, consistency, discipline, self control
SOURCES OF
FRICTION
Child who refuses to get up in the morning and go to school
Child who is afraid to go to bed at night
Child who keeps getting suspended from school
Co-house parents who don’t get along, or one house parent who pits a
child or children against the other house parent
A child or children who sneak out at night to have sex or get drunk or
take drugs
Taking children on their first camping trip
Teaching a child basic personal hygiene and/or basic house work
Administration not listening to certain concerns a house parent may
have about a child
Breaking up a fight between
children
Consoling and/or counselling a
child who is sad, upset, depressed, angry etc.
WRITERS SHOULD
KNOW…
Working with abused, neglected, and emotionally
disturbed children is not for everyone. It isn’t easy, but it can be very
rewarding. There’s nothing like finally connecting with a child who’s spent his
or her life mistrusting adults. If you don’t have the right personality for it,
it can be emotionally draining. Burn out and turnover is high. The key, I
think, is to not take things the children may say or do personally. They are
acting/reacting in the only ways they know how. Your job is to teach them new
ways to respond to situations (both good and bad) and one of the best ways to
do that is through your own example of how YOU deal with those good and bad
situations. Are you calm when a child cusses you out or do you yell back? Are
you calm when a child has an accident – say gets a cut that will need stitches
or breaks a bone – or do you get somewhat hysterical and don’t know what to do?
Are you able to laugh and enjoy small things or do you tend to be more serious
all the time? Do you secretly judge the children or accept them as they are? Do
you have favorite or do you work hard to treat them all with the same
compassion? When doing chores around the house do you sit back and direct
the children on what they need to do or do you help out too? Do you cuss and
then demand the children not to cuss? Do you smoke and then demand the children
not smoke? Leading by example is the best teacher of all.
Have any
questions about this job? I’d be happy to answer. Just leave a comment below!
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